Marriage on the rocks? some signs you need counselling to save it
Marriage is often described as a union of two people who love and support one another through thick and thin. But what happens when the fat becomes too thick to handle on your own? It’s not unusual for even the strongest marriages to face difficulties that can put a strain on the relationship. When things begin to feel overwhelming, it may be time to consider seeking professional support through marriage counseling. Let’s explore some of the signs that may indicate that you and your partner could benefit from professional support to navigate the complexities of your relationship and strengthen your bond.
“The skills needed to flourish in a marriage don’t always come naturally. From communication skills and empathy to flexibility and negotiation, there’s a lot of growth involved in being a part of a couple. But just like any other skill, you can learn and improve. And one way to do that is through marriage counseling. Contrary to popular belief, marriage counseling isn’t just for couples in trouble. Therapy can help you learn the skills to deal with smaller issues well before they wear away in your relationship.
Let’s discuss the signs your marriage is on the rocks before it is too late.
1. You hardly communicate with each other
Effective communication is the key to solving most problems in life. But if you and your partner seem to be drifting away from talking to each other, there is something that is certainly not quite right. A therapist can help you communicate effectively with each other, in some new ways. Deterioration in communication levels between a couple is the first sign of trouble.
2. Communication problems
Communicating well is a skill we continue to learn over our lives, and marriage is great at highlighting areas that need work.
3. You feel unsupported or alone
Relationships can become one-sided in many areas and leave you feeling unsupported. You might be juggling finances on your own or feel there’s a chronic lack of quality time. You can also feel alone when your emotional needs are not being met.
4. Lack of mutual respect and healthy boundaries
Small daily frustrations can wear you down and take their toll on your relationship. If you’ve started to lose respect for your spouse, you may find yourself nit-picking, talking down to, or mocking them.
5. You constantly feel criticized
A negative tone can easily sneak into marriage. You get used to each other after years together, and the small niggles early in your relationship become big irritants.
6. If you talk, it always ends up in a fight
And then there is negative communication. Whenever you two talk, it ends up in a fierce argument or a fight and you end up belittling each other. You shame each other or use harsh words and tones to prove a point. While some people withdraw from these conversations, some continue to bicker for hours together. This can even translate into emotional abuse in a marriage.
7. Hard to find common ground and solutions to problems
Constant arguing and bickering, trying to convince the other person of your viewpoint, needs, and values, is exhausting and often leads to dead ends.
8. You feel unappreciated or undervalued
No one likes to feel like the only person pulling their weight, especially if all your hard work isn’t appreciated. If you’ve started feeling less like a team in your relationship, marriage counselling can help you find gratitude for each other and a better balance.
9. Big life changes happening
Whether it is parenthood, a new job, a new city, loss of a close family member or something else some upheaval in your marriage and life is inevitable. You can be prudent to seek therapy while you deal with these changes to cope effectively.
10. You feel like roommates rather than lovers
Couples in a long-term relationship may wonder if the romance and loving feelings they once felt for each other are gone for good. With work and family commitments, you can start to live separate lives and struggle to find time to be romantic partners.
11. Difficulty dealing with stress as a team
A recent study found that newly married couples noticed each other’s flaws and inconsiderate behaviours more when their lives outside of the marriage felt stressful.
12. Difficulty forgiving past mistakes or trust issues
Trust is one of the basic traits of healthy relationships. If there has been infidelity or broken trust in the past with your spouse, it can feel impossible to move past.
13. Mismatched intimacy and affection needs
Sex and physical intimacy are a major part of any marriage, but couples don’t always match their expectations or need around intimacy. Sometimes the mismatch is in the way you express love in your relationship.
14. You keep secrets
Couples who are transparent with each other have better and happy marriages. Spouses feel more secure in a relationship when they have the confidence that they know everything about each other. The moment secrets start coming in, insecurities start to brew. These small insecurities sometimes add to big issues and harm a marriage. A therapist can help you anticipate changes, and prepare you for the challenges ahead.
15. You find excuses to avoid going home
Looking for more signs your marriage is on the rocks? The prospect of going home to your spouse does not excite you anymore. Instead, you try to find excuses to avoid going home so that you do not have to face your partner. At this stage, you are simply done with the daily drama and chaos and desperate to find an escape route. You prefer going out with friends or other family members and spending time with them brings you the peace that is missing at home.
16. You doubt whether your spouse is the right partner for you
If your marriage is on the rocks, then you will continuously think about your choices and regret your decision to get married to your spouse. Your feelings toward your partner change and you begin to doubt if you have chosen the right partner for marriage. You start thinking about an old lover who now seems would have made a far better husband and companion. Constant second-guessing equals a stressed marriage.
17. Sexual compatibility disappears
Have you wondered why your wife avoids intimacy these days? Or why does your husband turn down your advances? You both do not have time for each other because of which you are unable to get sexually intimate. You may as well be in a sexless marriage with no fire left in the relationship. Even if you try to make love with each other, it leaves you disappointed in the end, because you fail to satisfy each other’s sexual needs.
18. Children become the top priority in your lives
The equation between the couple changes after the children come into their lives. But a couple should know how to balance the needs of the kids and the intimacy in their relationship. Once you start making the kids your only priority and ignoring your personal relationship, it is a grim sign your marriage is on the rocks. It’s easy to shift focus onto your kids and ignore your marriage problems. But how long do you think you can continue to live in this façade?
